Kisah kopi

Dah masuk bulan June. Tak sangka dah hampir separuh tahun 2015 berlalu. Dan aku masih di sini.

Mestilah kat sini. Kat mana lagi kau nak pegi?! Belajar pun tak habis.
.
.
.
.
.
........belajar pun tak.


Ni aku nak cakap pasal kopi ni.
Aku hairan betul dengan kopi.
Kejap kasi aku segar bugar sampai terbeliak terjojol biji mata.
Kejap macam tak function. Mengantuk je aku.
Dah lama aku perhatikan gerak geri kopi ni.
Bila aku nak bersuka-ria effect dia kenmain effective.
Ibarat ada kuasa magic yang terus kasi aku tenaga untuk berjaga.
Tak tidur 2 hari pun takpa.
Aku masih boleh mengharungi hari hariku ke sana sini ke hulu hilir.
Tapi high  melalut sikit la kalau dah sampai dua hari tak tidur.
TETAPI.
Bila aku letak niat nak belajar je.
Poooooof!
Terus ghaib kuasa magic tu.
Lemah tidak bermaya je aku walaupun dah bergelen-gelen air kopi aku minum.
Kenapeeeee!?


Stress gua camni.
Exam kurang sebulan lagi.
5 paper bersamaan 10 subjek yang aku kene mentela'ah.
Tapi satu pun tak start lagi.
Sebab......kopi ni tak function!

Aku malas nak salahkan setan skang.
Dia tak bersalah dah.
Dia berjaya buat aku malas dari dulu.
Sekarang masalahnya datang daripada diri aku sendiri.
Yang asyik melayan penat tu.
Padahal aku bukannya bertukang apa pun sampai takde energy.
Asyek nak membuta je.

Aku rasa mesti ada yang kene verschieben last minit nanti.
Kah kah kah kah.
Sukanya setan tengok aku lemah gini.

Enough merepek untuk kali ni.




~~~FNSBMS

How many more days 'til Ramadhan?

I am so not ready for 19 hours fasting.

Last time I had gastric.

Hmm.

God help me.



~~~FNSBMS

Just sit and think about this life.

I'm not in love.
But I'm not heart broken.

I'm alone.
But I am not lonely.

I just want to die.
But I don't keen on living either.

I'm not jealous.
But I'm sick of people getting whatever they wanted in seconds.

I'm hungry.
But I lost my appetite.

I'm tired of living.
But I'm still walking.

I'm locked inside.
But I know the way out.

I'm lost.
But I know where I'm standing.

I'm smiling.
But I'm in pain.

I'm in pain.
But I don't know what it is.

I'm emotionless.
But I can feel the emotion.



What kind of depression is this?




~~~FNSBMS

Serabutnya hidup

Hatiku mati

Tiada titik dalam yang merasai

Apa yang kau rasai

Derasnya pintaanmu

Angkuhnya pendirianmu

Memaksaku menyanjungimu

Namun akhirnya 

Terpaksaku sesali perbuatanku

Apa yang terlintas difikiranmu

Terpancar terang diwajahmu

Apa yang kau anggap milikmu

Ternyata tiada ikatan denganmu

Bukan hajatku untuk menghiris hatimu

Bukan niatku untuk melemaskanmu

Tetapi disaat kau mengharapkan aku

Menjadi tali yang teguh

Untuk engkau bergantung

Tersedar aku dari lamunan siang

Bahawa aku belum bersedia 

Belum sampai waktuku

Untuk memberi perhatianku

Padamu

Waktu itu bukanlah milikmu

Bukan juga ia milikku

Tetapi aku perlukannya 

Untuk perbaiki diri

Berikanku masa

Berikanku peluang

Jika engkau mampu menunggu

Jika aku masih mancari ilmu

Biarlah jarak ini mengajar kau

Apa yang jariku tunjukkan

Random photo:

Panna Cotta kat PADU Pizzeria

(18 May 2015)

~~~yaw!

Can you hear me?

For this post, I am going to ramble anything that goes into my head.


People say women are complicated. I'm always against this statement in defend that me myself is not complicated. But sometimes I do feel that women are complicated. For instance, I am not quite sure if I have blossomed into a woman or am I still a girl. Immature. Yes, that's what differentiate a girl and a woman - maturity.

Maturity is also subjective and from my observation, people can never be 100% matured. If there are such people, they are not in the circle of people I know. For example, this one person may be wise about decision making, about work or about the future; but he might not be able to control his emotion and feeling. That is not 100% mature to me.

But do we really need to be 100% matured?

What I am sure is that life is complicated. The world works in a complicated way. I am trying to live my life as simple as possible, trying to overcome problems as professional as I could, trying to make the full of my life and at the same time, trying to make people around me happy. At least I can say 'I TRIED".

Is it wrong because I have decided to live my life in a simple way? I don't get it. Why do you want to mess up your life, living the way other people live? Just be yourself and stand up for you rights because you are extraordinary like that.

I don't like arguments. Does that make me an immature person? I mean arguments that is not valid, that should not exist in the first place such as why I didn't reply a text when I have actually seen it. This kind of argument is stupid and I will avoid to continue arguing about this because the answer is clear. You don't need to argue about that. But I do like informative arguments because my facts/opinions are usually not rigid.

I will go deep about another type of maturity in the next post ( if I still remember to write).

So far, do you understand what I am trying to say? Don't think so! Because I ain't good at delivering good speech. :p

Random photo:

Kinder Bueno chocolate fudge brownie that I made 

last week (or more) for a friend's birthday celebration.

~~~yaw!

2015

Hello 2015!

I know it is already too late to welcome the year 2015 here since it's already May the 5th!

How fast time flies huh?
Truth is, I still can't brain how time works in relation to memories that I have created.
I still feel that high school memories was just 3 years away, when in fact, it was already 6 years since I left high school.
And all the memories that were created during this 6 years journey to the west, are full of ups and downs, bittersweet.
I didn't know if I want to forget the bitterness or swallow it so that I have something to tell to people in the future.

Life goes on anyway.

This is the only photo that I have

 during the 2015 new year celebration.

~~~yaw!