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Have you ever feel unsatisfied with what you got when that is the thing you ever wanted this whole time?
Do you ever have doubt on yourself and your capabilities?
Can you differentiate between what you want to be and what you need to be?
Have you ever wished for something and it took too long to happen and that you already change your mind in that waiting period of time?


Well thats how I feel now. Confused. Unsatisfied. Fear. Frustrated.


On Wednesday 25th January 2012, I got to see a glimpse piece of my future. Alhamdulillah, my wish 4 years ago to go to Germany was granted on that day. As I scanned the thin white piece of paper, my heart was beating so fast that I feel I could not breathe and the thought of my family came running through my mind. As scanned the last subject, I felt relief, joy, overwhelmed. I'm happy for a second because I make my family proud. All the pain I felt and tears I shed from the first day I stepped my foot here until I finished the exam finally paid off.

But my happiness does not last long. When I sat back at the Auditorium waiting for my friends, suddenly I have the thought that spoils my mood for the whole day..until now.What am I going to be? Can I see myself as an engineer in the future? Can all the pictures in my head came true in the end as planned? Suddenly I fear of the German language. Suddenly the thoughts of failing playing over and over in my head.

I need time to refresh my mind but the whole Vorpraktikum and German class really disturbing my peace state of mind. 2 weeks preparation before departing is not enough damn it!




~~~yaw!