Tuesday, March 25, 2014

The Missing

Hello,

haritu sebelum exam bukan main rancak aku post entry, tapi bila dah habis exam dan masa cuti sebulan ritu tak terlintas pun nak menaip. Setan.

Sekarang topik paling hangat adalah berkenaan kehilangan pesawat MAS MH370 tu kan. Maka aku pun nak jugak lah memberi komen mengenai isu berkenaan.

Semalam, pada hari ke-17 pencarian pesawat tu, Perdana Menteri kita telah mengumumkan bahawa pesawat tu telah mengakhirkan perjalanannya di Lautan Hindi. Bila difikirkan balik memang tak masuk akal. Mesti banyak persoalan yang berada di minda kita. Kenapa pesawat tu pegi ke situ? Macam mana boleh hilang dari radar? Kenapa tiada satu radar ketenteraan pun yang dapat detect pesawat tu? Adakah kejadian ini suatu konspirasi? Adakah pesawat itu telah di-hijack? Adakah pesawat itu dengan sengaja melenyapkan diri? Banyak soalan banyak. 

Sudah tentu ahli keluarga dan sahabat-sahabat penumpang2 pesawat tu lagi banyak persoalan. Soalan yang paling tidak dapat penjelasan mesti lah mengapa pesawat tu yang kene macam tu? Kenapa orang yang tersayang yang menjadi mangsa? Kenapa bukan pesawat lain? Kenapa berlaku pada waktu orang yang tersayang naik kapal terbang tu?

Aku tiada keluarga atau kenalan yang menaiki pesawat tu, maka aku tak boleh cakap aku faham 100% keperitan yang mereka lalui. Tetapi sebagai seorang yang memerhati, aku sedikit sebanyak dapat relate kejadian ini dengan aku. Tak, aku tidak pernah ada sejarah kehilangan sesiapa through kemalangan kapal terbang. Tapi apa yang aku nak cakap kat sini adalah, aku faham macam mana perasaan kehilangan seseorang atau sesuatu yang sangat bermakna dalam hidup aku.

Mungkin aku dah jumpa salah satu hikmah atau pendoman mengapa aku dihantar belajar jauh di sini. Dugaan yang aku lalui kat sini banyak dan baru akhir-akhir ni aku sedar apa yang Dia hendak mengajarku. Kat sini baruaku sedar apa itu takdir, rezeki dan hikmah. Aku dah menghadapi kegagalan terbesar aku sepanjang aku di sini. Memang perit nak lalui saat itu. Dalam kepala aku asyik bertanya, kenapa aku kene lalui semua ni? Kenapa aku? Kenapa benda ni berlaku jugak walaupun aku dah berusaha sebaik mungkin? Kenapa aku tak boleh mengubah balik apa yang telah terjadi? Mengapa??

Perlahan-lahan baru aku sedar, mungkin itu bukan yang terbaik untuk aku. Walaupun aku dah kehilangan apa yang aku ada dulu, ia diganti dengan sesuatu yang aku tak mahu langsung, tetapi slowly aku mulai menerimanya. Aku dapat merasakan suasana hidup aku kali ni sedikit gembira dari kehidupan yang dulu dan aku tau everything is going to be a lot better in time. 

So berbalik kepada isu MH370 tu, aku respect kat ahli keluarga penumpang2 kerana tabah dan tenang menghadapi ujian yang sangat berat ini terutama kepada keluarga Malaysia. Bagi keluarga2 China, aku faham juga kenapa mereka meroyan melebih2. Mungkin disebabkan mereka tidak diajar mengenai Qada' dan Qadar, hikmah dan takdir semua ni. Bukan nak cakap mereka tiada agama, tetapi itu lah perbezaan yang boleh aku nampak antara agama Islam dan agama2 lain di dunia. Dan aku tau, aku bukannya seorang yang layak untuk bercakap pasal agama dengan gaya hidup aku macam ni, tetapi aku tahu dan belajar semua tu. 

Semoga mereka dapat cari pesawat yang hilang tu secepat yang mungkin. 




~~~yaw!

Friday, January 24, 2014

Two days left

So today is Friday and my exam starts on this Monday. Well, actually it has already started last Monday, which is English but I ain't care much about that. It is not like I am so overly confident I could get 1,0 but that subject really doesn't matter to me. I think I may get 3,0 and above because I didn't answer some part of the given question. Oh whatever.

Right now I want to express my dissatisfaction towards the German people. In this case - the professors.

Since I have a lot of trouble regarding my studies, I need to discuss about my problem with the professors involved. I thought only the students have arrogant attitude. But to my surprise, the professors are pretty much the same.

I remember when I went to see Prof. B at the beginning of the semester to see my exam paper. He literally shut my future down. He said I will never pass his exam, I will never pass any other subjects, I will never graduate in Germany and I will never ever graduate as an engineer at all. Do you how it feels to hear someone, to make it worse, a professor say that to you? I feel like I want to explode on his face. I feel like I want to tear up this place. A decent professor should give you advice or some kind of motivational talk to motivate you to be successful. Instead, he makes me want to be suicidal. I am not lying. At first I thought I am a failure and then I felt like giving up, pack my belongings and go home. To make it even worse, I am living here alone. I have no best buddy to share my problem and if I were going nuts at that time, nobody can save me except smell my rotten body.

For another subject, I went to see Dr. S. Okay he is not a professor but an engineer with the title Doctor. When I came to him there was another student discussing things with him. A Deutsche. He looked very happy, so talkative and so concern about that student's understanding. And when the kid was gone and it is my turn to discuss with him, his face immediately turned sour. He has nothing to ask me to show his concern about me, instead he pulled out a look that show how unwanted I was at that time. I asked him questions but he only replied a short answer, unlike when he answered the Deutsche's questions. For me he was being unhelpful.

And today I went to see another Prof. B. Again there were some students asking him about the subject and he was so pleased to explain it all despite his busy schedule. When he's done with the other students, he saw me waiting next to him but he quickly grab his files to go away. I was so mad because I waited for him for so long while he is explaining things to that student and the other student and the other student and when it is my turn he decided to go away?! But I managed to asked him some questions and by the look on his face, I knew he is not sincere to help me.


Am I the problem or is this really the attitude of German professors? Or is it because I am a foreigner? I have to admit there are some professors that are helpful and kind but in comparison with those who are arrogant, the difference is so big. In my opinion, this is something shameful about Germany. Professors should be professional, not showing a bad attitude and arrogant towards students, especially foreigners. I am not trying to be a boss, to ask people to do this and that, but attitude must come first. If you are working as an educator or a leader, you got to have a good personality and sincere with your job. Even if you hate the student, you have to show your effort to help them. You don't get paid to put people's hope down.

Well I hope I will get through this exam with ease.




~~~yaw!

Saturday, January 18, 2014

It is creeping near

Wolaa wolaaaaa! My first post in 2014!

Well whatever.

What is creeping near? My exam of course!
It is really stressing me out as I have two dritte Versuch subjects. I don't really know the exact word for dritte Versuch in English or bm, but in a long explainantion term, dritter Versuch is the subject(s) that I am currently repeating for the third time and if I fail again this time, baaam! I am dead.

I am not good at managing my time and I am always confused which subject I should study for the day. Because there are too many!!!

It really brings me down knowing that I have to go through this at this early stage. Like come on...the subjects that I will be repeating for the third time are not even close to the level hard. What will happen if I were to take those subjects in the high semester? How many times would I have failed? This shit scares me.

For one year I have given up a lot. I rarely chose to go out with my friends because of this. I opt to just stay here so that my time won't be wasted. The first six months of hard work doesn't show pay off. It really turning me down. Hopefully this time it works. I am calling this my sacrifice. If it doesn't work out too, then maybe my rezeki is not here.

Gotta be strong...




~~~yaw!

Monday, December 23, 2013

Crap post

Life is so much complicated than it seems a few years ago.
Why does it took so long for me to realise this?

What you have right now does not mean it is going to stay with you forever.

Whatever reason that you think behind everything you went through (hikmah) is never right. (For me you can never guess the right hikmah)

Whatever pleasure you have right now does not mean you deserve to have it and if you don't deserve it karma will come back at you. (Let's just say karma in this case is qada' & qadar)

What you think is right is always wrong. What you think is wrong is always wrong. (You are never right in the eyes of other judgemental people)

Your instinct is not always giving you the right sign either.

Promise is just something that someone say to make one's feel safe, calm ad not to worry too much; but that does not mean that somebody will keep their words. (That is why I never say any promises to anyone)

You will never know who is your real life partner (love partner) until you marry them. (You saw your crush or your current relationship partner and you think they are the one because you trust them but hell no don't be too quick to fall because you never know what plan He has for you). (So if you are in a relationship don't imagine about marriage and family and future stuff like that, just focus on the present so you won't get hurt)

What you had work hard for does not mean it is enough to success. (If you are still failing, think about the thing that you do that is not related to what you are working hard for that is not perfect, for example maybe you have made some mistake and that is why He is not giving you the success that you wanted)

What looks beautiful does not mean it is good. What is ugly does not mean it is bad. (Don't be fooled around by appearance)

That is enough crap for tonight.

Good night.

Saturday, December 21, 2013

2

What the hell this is my second post this year?!?!?!?! Ahahahaha! Blogging era is long gone for me.

Today I suddenly thought about this blog and I wonder if I could still manage this blog from time to time.

Well I just uninstalled Twitter Facebook and other social networking apps from my phone so I have nothing else to do when I am bored. So I installed Blogger instead.

Actually the main point for me to uninstall those apps was to make me study when I am bored. Oh well those devils around me really do their work fast.

I shouldn't me writing too much.

I am so stupid and I need to study. This is my last chance. Or else....kabooom! No future. Shame on me.

Laterrrrrr.