Can you hear me?

For this post, I am going to ramble anything that goes into my head.


People say women are complicated. I'm always against this statement in defend that me myself is not complicated. But sometimes I do feel that women are complicated. For instance, I am not quite sure if I have blossomed into a woman or am I still a girl. Immature. Yes, that's what differentiate a girl and a woman - maturity.

Maturity is also subjective and from my observation, people can never be 100% matured. If there are such people, they are not in the circle of people I know. For example, this one person may be wise about decision making, about work or about the future; but he might not be able to control his emotion and feeling. That is not 100% mature to me.

But do we really need to be 100% matured?

What I am sure is that life is complicated. The world works in a complicated way. I am trying to live my life as simple as possible, trying to overcome problems as professional as I could, trying to make the full of my life and at the same time, trying to make people around me happy. At least I can say 'I TRIED".

Is it wrong because I have decided to live my life in a simple way? I don't get it. Why do you want to mess up your life, living the way other people live? Just be yourself and stand up for you rights because you are extraordinary like that.

I don't like arguments. Does that make me an immature person? I mean arguments that is not valid, that should not exist in the first place such as why I didn't reply a text when I have actually seen it. This kind of argument is stupid and I will avoid to continue arguing about this because the answer is clear. You don't need to argue about that. But I do like informative arguments because my facts/opinions are usually not rigid.

I will go deep about another type of maturity in the next post ( if I still remember to write).

So far, do you understand what I am trying to say? Don't think so! Because I ain't good at delivering good speech. :p

Random photo:

Kinder Bueno chocolate fudge brownie that I made 

last week (or more) for a friend's birthday celebration.

~~~yaw!

2015

Hello 2015!

I know it is already too late to welcome the year 2015 here since it's already May the 5th!

How fast time flies huh?
Truth is, I still can't brain how time works in relation to memories that I have created.
I still feel that high school memories was just 3 years away, when in fact, it was already 6 years since I left high school.
And all the memories that were created during this 6 years journey to the west, are full of ups and downs, bittersweet.
I didn't know if I want to forget the bitterness or swallow it so that I have something to tell to people in the future.

Life goes on anyway.

This is the only photo that I have

 during the 2015 new year celebration.

~~~yaw!

 

The Missing

Hello,

haritu sebelum exam bukan main rancak aku post entry, tapi bila dah habis exam dan masa cuti sebulan ritu tak terlintas pun nak menaip. Setan.

Sekarang topik paling hangat adalah berkenaan kehilangan pesawat MAS MH370 tu kan. Maka aku pun nak jugak lah memberi komen mengenai isu berkenaan.

Semalam, pada hari ke-17 pencarian pesawat tu, Perdana Menteri kita telah mengumumkan bahawa pesawat tu telah mengakhirkan perjalanannya di Lautan Hindi. Bila difikirkan balik memang tak masuk akal. Mesti banyak persoalan yang berada di minda kita. Kenapa pesawat tu pegi ke situ? Macam mana boleh hilang dari radar? Kenapa tiada satu radar ketenteraan pun yang dapat detect pesawat tu? Adakah kejadian ini suatu konspirasi? Adakah pesawat itu telah di-hijack? Adakah pesawat itu dengan sengaja melenyapkan diri? Banyak soalan banyak. 

Sudah tentu ahli keluarga dan sahabat-sahabat penumpang2 pesawat tu lagi banyak persoalan. Soalan yang paling tidak dapat penjelasan mesti lah mengapa pesawat tu yang kene macam tu? Kenapa orang yang tersayang yang menjadi mangsa? Kenapa bukan pesawat lain? Kenapa berlaku pada waktu orang yang tersayang naik kapal terbang tu?

Aku tiada keluarga atau kenalan yang menaiki pesawat tu, maka aku tak boleh cakap aku faham 100% keperitan yang mereka lalui. Tetapi sebagai seorang yang memerhati, aku sedikit sebanyak dapat relate kejadian ini dengan aku. Tak, aku tidak pernah ada sejarah kehilangan sesiapa through kemalangan kapal terbang. Tapi apa yang aku nak cakap kat sini adalah, aku faham macam mana perasaan kehilangan seseorang atau sesuatu yang sangat bermakna dalam hidup aku.

Mungkin aku dah jumpa salah satu hikmah atau pendoman mengapa aku dihantar belajar jauh di sini. Dugaan yang aku lalui kat sini banyak dan baru akhir-akhir ni aku sedar apa yang Dia hendak mengajarku. Kat sini baruaku sedar apa itu takdir, rezeki dan hikmah. Aku dah menghadapi kegagalan terbesar aku sepanjang aku di sini. Memang perit nak lalui saat itu. Dalam kepala aku asyik bertanya, kenapa aku kene lalui semua ni? Kenapa aku? Kenapa benda ni berlaku jugak walaupun aku dah berusaha sebaik mungkin? Kenapa aku tak boleh mengubah balik apa yang telah terjadi? Mengapa??

Perlahan-lahan baru aku sedar, mungkin itu bukan yang terbaik untuk aku. Walaupun aku dah kehilangan apa yang aku ada dulu, ia diganti dengan sesuatu yang aku tak mahu langsung, tetapi slowly aku mulai menerimanya. Aku dapat merasakan suasana hidup aku kali ni sedikit gembira dari kehidupan yang dulu dan aku tau everything is going to be a lot better in time. 

So berbalik kepada isu MH370 tu, aku respect kat ahli keluarga penumpang2 kerana tabah dan tenang menghadapi ujian yang sangat berat ini terutama kepada keluarga Malaysia. Bagi keluarga2 China, aku faham juga kenapa mereka meroyan melebih2. Mungkin disebabkan mereka tidak diajar mengenai Qada' dan Qadar, hikmah dan takdir semua ni. Bukan nak cakap mereka tiada agama, tetapi itu lah perbezaan yang boleh aku nampak antara agama Islam dan agama2 lain di dunia. Dan aku tau, aku bukannya seorang yang layak untuk bercakap pasal agama dengan gaya hidup aku macam ni, tetapi aku tahu dan belajar semua tu. 

Semoga mereka dapat cari pesawat yang hilang tu secepat yang mungkin. 

~~~yaw!

Two days left

So today is Friday and my exam starts on this Monday. Well, actually it has already started last Monday, which is English but I ain't care much about that. It is not like I am so overly confident I could get 1,0 but that subject really doesn't matter to me. I think I may get 3,0 and above because I didn't answer some part of the given question. Oh whatever.

Right now I want to express my dissatisfaction towards the German people. In this case - the professors.

Since I have a lot of trouble regarding my studies, I need to discuss about my problem with the professors involved. I thought only the students have arrogant attitude. But to my surprise, the professors are pretty much the same.

I remember when I went to see Prof. B at the beginning of the semester to see my exam paper. He literally shut my future down. He said I will never pass his exam, I will never pass any other subjects, I will never graduate in Germany and I will never ever graduate as an engineer at all. Do you how it feels to hear someone, to make it worse, a professor say that to you? I feel like I want to explode on his face. I feel like I want to tear up this place. A decent professor should give you advice or some kind of motivational talk to motivate you to be successful. Instead, he makes me want to be suicidal. I am not lying. At first I thought I am a failure and then I felt like giving up, pack my belongings and go home. To make it even worse, I am living here alone. I have no best buddy to share my problem and if I were going nuts at that time, nobody can save me except smell my rotten body.

For another subject, I went to see Dr. S. Okay he is not a professor but an engineer with the title Doctor. When I came to him there was another student discussing things with him. A Deutsche. He looked very happy, so talkative and so concern about that student's understanding. And when the kid was gone and it is my turn to discuss with him, his face immediately turned sour. He has nothing to ask me to show his concern about me, instead he pulled out a look that show how unwanted I was at that time. I asked him questions but he only replied a short answer, unlike when he answered the Deutsche's questions. For me he was being unhelpful.

And today I went to see another Prof. B. Again there were some students asking him about the subject and he was so pleased to explain it all despite his busy schedule. When he's done with the other students, he saw me waiting next to him but he quickly grab his files to go away. I was so mad because I waited for him for so long while he is explaining things to that student and the other student and the other student and when it is my turn he decided to go away?! But I managed to asked him some questions and by the look on his face, I knew he is not sincere to help me.


Am I the problem or is this really the attitude of German professors? Or is it because I am a foreigner? I have to admit there are some professors that are helpful and kind but in comparison with those who are arrogant, the difference is so big. In my opinion, this is something shameful about Germany. Professors should be professional, not showing a bad attitude and arrogant towards students, especially foreigners. I am not trying to be a boss, to ask people to do this and that, but attitude must come first. If you are working as an educator or a leader, you got to have a good personality and sincere with your job. Even if you hate the student, you have to show your effort to help them. You don't get paid to put people's hope down.

Well I hope I will get through this exam with ease.




~~~yaw!

It is creeping near

Wolaa wolaaaaa! My first post in 2014!

Well whatever.

What is creeping near? My exam of course!
It is really stressing me out as I have two dritte Versuch subjects. I don't really know the exact word for dritte Versuch in English or bm, but in a long explainantion term, dritter Versuch is the subject(s) that I am currently repeating for the third time and if I fail again this time, baaam! I am dead.

I am not good at managing my time and I am always confused which subject I should study for the day. Because there are too many!!!

It really brings me down knowing that I have to go through this at this early stage. Like come on...the subjects that I will be repeating for the third time are not even close to the level hard. What will happen if I were to take those subjects in the high semester? How many times would I have failed? This shit scares me.

For one year I have given up a lot. I rarely chose to go out with my friends because of this. I opt to just stay here so that my time won't be wasted. The first six months of hard work doesn't show pay off. It really turning me down. Hopefully this time it works. I am calling this my sacrifice. If it doesn't work out too, then maybe my rezeki is not here.

Gotta be strong...




~~~yaw!